Do you miss The Clap? Do you like Disco? Halloween? Vampires? Sex? Faggots? Why not mix them together like chocolate and peanut butter! A bunch of bears will come out because they heard you mention food and you’ve got this party:

A psychosexadelic horror freakout!!

at Thee Parkside 1600 17th Street /Wisconson (22 bus goes right to their doorstep)

featuring:
djs Gary Fembot and C’est Jille (The Clap!) spinning footstomping disco & soul/60s/herky jerky new wave/dark danceables/voguing classix
to make the zombies shake…(myspace. com/catchtheclapsf)

(First reunion of The Clap! dj’s since the clap is now undead!..undead!..undead!-don’t miss it.
)

Grab the Bat Killer (Olympia,WA): performing down-n-out vampryic electro beats

make some fast cash…..vampire eating costume contest at midnight with a $100 cash prize -
hosted and judged by Tara Jepsen (Kvetsh, Carole & Mitzi)

roving paparazzi photographer and monster photo booth pictures by Courtey Trouble (nofauxx. com)

psychedelic & surreal grand guignol spookfest video montage fantasmagorica by Vis à Vis
(The Clap!/Manquake!/Double Dutch Disco/Tingel Tangel/Hot Pants)

browndowncrownhosts: Devon Devine and Jenna Riot

Thrill to the sprawling beautiful Parkside bar! gigantic outdoor patio and a photo booth.

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We’ve been going to a lot of clubs lately and we’ve been thinking… you know what they say, if you want something done right you’ve got to do it yourself!

• Donuts is too straight, too vegan, too pretty. Plus they’ve never had Hard Place, Mon Cousin Belge, The Passionistas, BRIDEZ, or Brian Glaze play. That gets the big W E.
• Club Feral has too many gutter punks (its kinda smelly!).
• THINGNITE needs to be sleazier, stop holding back!! Plus they should totally have Hard Place, Mon Cousin Belge, The Passionistas, and Brian Glaze play, who says Aunt Charlies is too small?
• TransAm is a total beard party.
• Ferrari & Gemini Disco are totally part of the indie mafia, hiding behind a disco mask.I won’t even point out they’ve never had Hard Place, Mon Cousin Belge, The Passionistas, BRIDEZ, or Brian Glaze play. DJ nights, sheesh!
• SMiLE has too much disco and ass grabbing.
• Club Sandwich is so serious for such a fun name. Confusing!! Plus they’ve never had Hard Place, Mon Cousin Belge, The Passionistas, BRIDEZ, or Brian Glaze play! Gah, what are we getting at?

Little Miss Riding Hood went to all of those clubs and never found the one that was just right. Ok, fine we’re just being catty bitches. We’ve gone to all of those clubs and had a good time. Fine. Sure. Yeah. But we’re so much more fun, remember the mexican party bus scandal?? So we’re starting a club! Club Club You’re Dead will be the first Wednesday of the month at The Stud and will feature bands, an over forty gay man’s beauty contest, ritual sacrifice of ravers, dance troupes, theater, themed dance parties, cool kids, uncool kids, face painting, sex, drugs, alcohol, and more!!!

http://www.myspace.com/clubcluburdead
11/5 @ The Stud (399 9th St)
with BRIDEZ & Myles of The Passionistas Solo
an over forty gay man’s beauty contest
post election thrills!
five bucks!!

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Hosted by the incomparable Tony Vaguely. Starts at 8PM!

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Since the first ISLW was so POPULAR, here is a second edition for y’all:

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This video tells the touching story of a gay looking ninja/terrorist looking guy who likes studded leather gloves, riding the ferry, and stalking pretty blonds with the wind in their hair. He ends up at the club where he’s not seen on camera because this is the part of the video where we see BRIDEZ playing live. In the end we see the ninja/terrorist’s heart of gold as it turns out he isn’t chasing the girl but is, rather, her #1 SUPER FAN.

rolling stoned from ben poster on Vimeo.

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I just wanted to say hi! I’ve been away for a while.

OK!

Back to dissapearing.

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The pic above shows my dog, Jasmine (the white one) and my parents dog, Jell0 (the black one). They are definitely the original mavericks because they were a crazy pair before McPalin got together- Jasmine is like the selfish, likable cute one, and Jello’s the disabled crazy one who can’t raise his arms above his head.

I got Jasmine with my ex-girlfriend Erica, totally at her instigation. Having Jasmine made me realize what a bad parent I am. When she comes to visit, I don’t really spend time with her because I’m too busy being crazy and she sleeps with my parents, which is exactly what I would do if I had a kid- let my parents deal with it. I’m not done yet, you know??!!

I had this nightmare that my ex-girlfriend and I had a baby who died. I didn’t really realize it was a dream for a few moments after I woke until I tried to remember the baby’s name and realized that I couldn’t, and then realized that it was logically impossible for a baby to exist.

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Ok, what’s up with this bitch in the Glade commercials? She’s a pathological liar I can totally relate. Poor girl can only afford Glade candles and she feels in order for people to like her she’s got to pretend they’re fancy French candles.

And it doesn’t stop there. In fact you can go all the way back before I was born to see that Glade is better than any French candle could ever be. This commercial from 1962 features the immortal line that’s the title of this post. See you don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not. You’re perfect just the way you are.

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The theme this Tuesday is BIRTHDAY so bring presents and wear your birthday suit!

10/21/08
Thingnight @Aunt Charlies (133 Turk @ Taylor)
BRIDEZ play at midnight

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I was going to do a review of the Twin Crystals show in Oakland last week but it was such a surreal disaster I’m not even sure if it there’s a point.

What a horribly organized show! I showed up with Legs at ten o’clock to a class room with some confused looking people in it. No instruments, amps, or anything remotely resembling a show in sight. Legs blurts out “Is this a joke” and the people laughed and said maybe. We started talking to one of the confused guys who turned out to be
in Ghost Echoes and he said he didn’t really know what was going on but that he’d read in a blog somewhere that they were playing this show.

Awesome. So we went away for a bit and came back to find the same room packed with young kids devoutly watching some other kids playing some seriously precious Juno-core. Signs on the wall pointed to the members “Guitar 1″ & “Guitar 2″ and another pointing to the amp reading “Magic Box”. Before each song each of them introduce themselves with a different phrase. “I am the sparrow” and “I am the wind”. For a minute I thought maybe I had Alzheimer’s and didn’t realize I was actually at Cafe Grattitude. Some drunk young gay is tossing Tecates around. What? I keep hoping one of the beers will smack somebody in the head and cause some damage at this prosaic rock love in. Don’t these kids know there’s a war on?? “I am Iraq” and “I am a home made road side bomb”. Don’t these kids know there’s an economic crisis? “I am your college fund” and “I am your parents portfolio”.

We step outside because its getting old. But, magically, it kind of got so bad it got good. Most of the people there to see Twin Crystals/Sucks/Ghost Echoes are annoyed and I wish this band was doing this to make people angry. I like bands that are so bad on purpose its hilarious, like the Zip Code Rapists or like California Lightning this one time I saw them when they were really stoned and played a set consisting of them alternating Mustang Sally and Happy Birthday for thirty minutes. But this wasn’t that funny and it went on for a really really long time.

Legs gets severely irritated and asks me to take her home.

I get back at 12:30 (I missed Sucks) but was just in time for Twin Crystals who, if you haven’t listened to our imeem thing, sound a lot like The Units if that band had been made up of mentally unstable teenagers who went off of their meds. Here, listen to this song that kind of captures their need for meds but not really the synth punk part:

Download it! Twin Crystals - Careful

Anyway, they were so rad for the ten minutes they got to play before the cops showed up and shut the thing down. The cop was totally annoying too… he told the Tecate gay he was going to fine him because he could smell marijuana. Huh? I hope that kid wasn’t dumb enough to be intimidated by that.

(edit 10/18/08) THIS SHOW HAS BEEN CANCELED!!!

Ghost Echoes I think might be one of the nicest bands out there because they hung out all night, lent equipment, and didn’t even get to play. The word on the internet and from Twin Crystals is that they are totally loud and totally awesome. They are playing this weekend at The Mansion with Ganglians who the Art for Spastics guy said on some mailing list are the best pop band in Sacramento (and that you should ignore their myspace recordings which sound like the shins or something, ugh!). You should totally go (we are!)

10/18/2008 @ The Mansion
1547 Revere Ave 8PM
Ghost Echoes
Protect Me
Dance Card
Ganglians
World Wide Computer God

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