Diary of a grade school leather daddy Crayola box teacher and lukewarm nightlife entertainer
November 11th, 2008 by myles
My dream was to be an artist with enough popularity to warrant the leisure of recording albums with bottomless budgets released with global pedestrian acclaim. This was a fantasy… as any child feels they have the untapped power of a superhero… I felt I deserved the fate of The Beach Boys, Queen or The Beatles - even if I was agonizingly average.
I had a desire to stand on stage and make a fool of myself. Not because I was especially talented or funny, but because I was addicted to humiliation. It gave me an emotional arousal that was unmatched in my “real life.”
My mother was a teacher at my small town grammar school- my behavior was civilized, I scored fine on tests, and didn’t show any signs of schizophrenia. My family and teachers didn’t worry about the way I would turn out. My troublesome half siblings were either dead, shipped off to their other parent or too grown up to be in the house. My childhood was happy, but there were lonely times I felt unattended to.
I had unexpected public emotional outbursts. I quit sports teams by screaming at the coach over routine drills. This behavior felt relieving - but I didn’t like the vulnerable hangover. I refined my approach for attention by learning to be passive aggressive and to be an artist. I mean “artist” in the most pretentious way. You know how somebody who creates material from their mind seems worth listening to? Yeah I wanted that sort of attention.
As I grow older it occurs to me that I am much less an artist and much more an entertainer. I play bars BIweekly and am only known locally. I’m too unpopular to be deemed relevant… and too young to have any sort legacy. Basically I’m step away from becoming your average drag queen… far from my hopes of being in a classic rock band. But wait… there is hope!
I’m gonna get all Tony Robbins on you and say- there may be someone out their who believes in you… and wants to genuinely glimpse into your perspective. This can be as simple as someone falling in love with you, or as complicated as someone understanding your shitty art. Let it happen and give your 100%… the worst thing to die with is regret.
Myles and Christopher Owens (preform The Passionistas’) “Righter’s Block” 11/5/08 live at the first Club Club You’re Dead
I am happy I put 100% into my Halloween costume, even if I just wore it to work and fell asleep shortly after 8pm. I regret putting 83% into my performance Wednesday at WFISF’s Club Club You’re Dead. I’m not dieing any time soon… And I promise to be a more entertaining entertainer next time. Thank you blessed people. I cherish your smiles.
November 11th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
I love you Myles.
November 12th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
i feel like this post is really self serving.
November 13th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
yeah, he got served!