The Sisters and the Pudgy Pugilist
So, another Friday night and my bitter half, a.k.a. Last Call Lee, managed to talk my fat ass up and off the couch to attend The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence’s 30 year anniversary party at Yerba Buena. It was pretty fun and DJ Bear Z. Bub was spinning, so all in all, not a complete waste of time. Little did I know however, that I would be quite literally attacked and spat on by a pudgy pugilist by the name of Bill, “husband” of local neredowell “artist” Danyol. I have to say, it was one of theeeee single funniest things that’s ever happened to me. I was with GingerSnap when out of nowhere, the gregarious geriatric suddenly appeared, puffing his chest out like some senile simian, rather comically pushing into me, a plastic tumbler of bourbon precariously held aplomb from one hand, snarling, “if you EVER write or SAY anything bad about my “husband” ever again…(slurrrr…slurrr)….I will make you wish you were never born!” I turned to Ginger Snap who had the undeniable look on his face as if to say, “do you know this old drunk?”…and tried to calmly walk away. But this would not do for Daddy Bill. Oh no! Once again, he cut me off, and thumping his chest against me, (EVERYONE WATCHING)…he screamed, with little embarrassing bits of spittle in the corners of his all tooooo close mouth, “Listen you SON OF A BITCH! you dont know who you’re fucking with!” It was only then that I realized that he was completely soused and LOOKING FOR A FIGHT. So I guffawed. Yes, that’s right. Not a chortle or a squawk, but a full-blown guffaw I tell you. Suddenly I could not stop laughing. It was truly wonderful and I personally would like to thank Grandpa Bill for the free entertainment. He really made my night. But what could I do? What could I say? I was always taught to respect my elders and to not crack them in their well deserving snouts for invading my personal space…so I just kept laughing. Of course this only made him angrier. Honestly? I could not stop laughing. It was a great moment in the life of drunk old bastards. Too funny.
April 12th, 2009 at 8:45 am
GOOD JOB BILL! I’M GLAD I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE TO SPIT IN YOUR FACE. . .
IT’S AMAZING HOW YOU CAN TURN THE SWEETEST PEOPLE SOUR. WELL, I GUESS THAT’S PART OF THE REASON WHY I LOVE YOU. I BET BILL WOULDA PACKED A BIG PUNCH, TOO. MAYBE HE COULD OF KNOCKED A FEW CALORIES OUTTA THAT FAT HEAD. LOVE, M
April 12th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
i dunno, looking at him, i’m not sure about his fighting skills. i mean his weight is a problem, but he probably moves slowly. i think randy could take him. randy seems like he would be like a crazy ape in a fight.
April 30th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
mat cote. would you just do me TWO TINY FAVORS?
1. GO FUCK YOURSELF!
and
2. learn how to spell. “could of?” “OF?” it’s could “HAVE.” god damn you’re stupid.
May 1st, 2009 at 9:05 pm
well carol/randy….glad to see some things never change.
certainly one might expect you could move the catfight along by now. Don’t you have more interesting things to report/slander?
funny….i see such a different side of that same Bill, sure he can party with the best of us [that would certainly include you & me]….a stalwart friend….a strong shoulder if ever i’ve needed it….a guy who keeps confidences better than anyone i know…..someone with such compassion that i could only hope to have a fraction as much…BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY A MAN WHO IS FIERCELY LOYAL TO HIS FRIENDS & PARTNER…..to a fault perhaps but my partner shares that same fault & it’s admirable….DO YOU HAVE THAT?
May 13th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
oh girl. girl…girl…girl. confidences? really? well if you really believe that, then you should have been a little fly on those same strong shoulders when he and the aforementioned partner were talking mad shit about YOU…from the first moment i met you! oh yeah, a running joke one might say. something about cocaine thefts i believe? something about you being raving mad and a…what’s it called? oh yes…i remember now. A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR??? yes, that’s it. roxy music? rocky horror? sylvester? yes, or…uh…maybe you should talk directly to your stalwart buddy to get more details? yes, maybe you should talk to both of them.